I'm back =)

HEY IM BACK ON MY BLOG STARTING TOMORROW .. I KNO ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT I BEEN A LIL BUSY WITH OTHER STUFF BUT FOR NOW ..GNIGHT

. . life lesson i guess

You never know another persons situation unless you're them. . not even if they confide in you if you're not them then you could never truly understand their struggles and their pain and what they deal with on a regular basis, or why they act they way they do or deal with situations the way they do. You could always try to identify or relate what they're dealing with with a past experience of your own and help them get through it but this doesn't always mean that they will listen to what you have to say. do not judge them just listen to what they have to say and console them and try to do whatever you can to make sure they're fine in the end. What if your best friend told you that they were tired of living tired of trying and that they couldn't deal anymore what would you do. What if they were extremely too far away for you to do anything but talk to them. Imagine you were that person who was tired of it all . . . we always think our situation is bad but there is always someone who has it worse trust me. Just have faith and everything will end up okay. what if i said "I'm just trying to help because i love you and i want the best and if no one else is here for you just know that i'm always here." but even then the person is not willing to bear through the situation.

Life gets tough sometimes but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger just always keep that in mind. . .

I LOVE THIS SONG !! (ITS AMAZING) GOLDEN BY CHRISETTE MICHELLE

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Lets let true love connect lets try lasting forever

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, Love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Lets take two golden bands and lets walk down the aisle, Love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical american shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm

dealing

just trying to deal with whats being thrown at me right now . . .
life really does get harder and we're really tested but i feel as though i can deal with any and everything that is thrown at me

&& no matter what I'll always have one person . . me.
and I'll always be fine

. . . life sucks

So what do you do when your life begins to fall apart ?? feeling like you're all alone . . I'm not exactly all alone but that's how i feel. everyone has input into what i say and do and how i act but no one ever stops or slows down with their judgment of me long enough to care and find out whats going on with me. there's a reason to everything and there are many reasons why i act the way i do. ppl say I'm too grown for my own good but I'm not i know what I'm talking about and whatever i don't know i will learn in due time with my own experience. i don't feel as though I'm disrespectful I'm just speaking out against the the problems that no one else will address. you say I'm only a child and i need to be taken care of. god will take care of me . . and i will find a way to take care of myself if i need to . . i will not constantly be told that i can leave and that i wont be taken care of . . i don't need anyone but me i came alone and I'll leave alone. and idc what anyone has to say about what i am saying. i speak how i feel just as you do just as i have the right to do. Everyone analyzes me and thinks that they know me but no one does everyone is too busy judging me to get to know me. to busy taking sides and telling me I'm wrong before you find out what I've heard seen and how i feel. everyone thinks they know me and my story and what I've been through but no one knows but me because i will never tell a soul because I'm sick of being judged and disrespected no matter what i do i;m wrong and that's not right at all. I don't feel as though i am needed here or wanted here so i just want to make it easier on you and i will take the things that i own because i paid for them and leave everything you own and I'll be gone. I'm even blamed foe stuff i am not humanly capable of controlling. and I'm sure someone who reads this will have something to say about this but i honestly do not care because no one cares how i feel or what i think and I'm officially done caring about everyones feeling but my own. I'm also done trying to please ppl because apparently that's something else i cant do. i feel alone so therefore i will be alone and no one will know what i am going through how i feel and anything else involving me besides me. I am the only person who can understand me and I'm the only person who i can trust so I'm done.

honesty && relationships

so i changed my mind i cant sleep

. . . so anyway i was jus thinkin about something that came up when a good friend of mine and i were talking earlier we were talking about honesty and liars and cheaters in relationships and stuff and he said if he were in a relationship wit a girl but he started likin someone else more than his girl while he was in this relationship he would simply end it instead of cheating on her. when he said that i was like OMG my thoughts exactly . . except wit the opposite sex. but anyway this is so true what is the purpose of cheating. i would rather you end our relationship than lie and cheat because in the end you could've just ended it and it would've hurt less than you deceiving me . . are we wrong ?? i don't think so . .


. . more on relationship nd things relating to the topic prolly tomorrow-ish . . idk maybe

been gone for a minute . . && im back

sooooo i haven't been on here in a minute well I'm bout to be back on here on a regular basis again . . got a little caught up wit things . . . so much goin on so many emotions and thoughts i gotta get out. but for now im sick and i'm realli tired. but im extremely happy to finally be home even tho i've been home for three weeks now.. well i'm goin to sleep now.

weekend so far

OMG great weekend . . so everyone left YAY . . so sick of some of these ppl anyway.
Played volleyball . . tennis .. and basketball . . went to see obsessed . . SHOPPING ?!?!?!?! (favorite thing in the world) . . and plus i got to talk to a lot of ppl i missed and i got a lot of work done . . MISS HOME !!!
But overall my weekend was pretty fun wit the girls.. oh yea got 2 piercings too yay lol
OH AND NO MORE CLASSES and only ONE final . . be home soon !!
(and I made a new friend LAUREN)

jus some recent little shit / ppl who dont matter

shit is crazy
. . this girl think i care
little do she kno i couldn't care less what she says behind my back
im not the type to talk
if you don't like me . . either you wanna fight or you shouldn't have anything to say to me . .
talkin is a waste . . we don't normally talk so why start now
. . shut that shit up

new rule regarding men and relationships

you live, you love, and you learn that's how you figure it out never catch feelings . . never love wit ya heart make sure its all in ya head cause most ppl don't deserve to have your heart.

. . everyone seems to think they're the exception to this but in reality they're not.

smh

wonder if i'll ever fully understand my emotions nd wondering when i'll get over it geeez . . its takin way to long smh

maybe i got too attached and now i know i'll never make that mistake again

i guess i need the time alone

back to school todayy
. . back to somewhere i don't wanna be
4 more weeks nd I'll be done
. . a little less to stress about i guess

. .

&& Life jus continues to get a lot harder
. . feelin alone no matter where i am
don't feel at home n my own home
need some time to get my thoughts together
. . you try going through all this shit at once and have no one to talk to about it . . I'm so alone with no one to confide in . . these feelings jus stay inside of me
but i will be okay once i get over this

&& HE MAKES ME SMILE

DOESN'T MATTER WHO IM TALKIN ABOUT HE KNOWS WHO HE IS

. .

Like WTF I'm soo tired of ppl playin games . . cant wait for you all to grow up .. I don't have the time or patience for this. ugh. smh.

. . jus some thoughts

Realizin most of the things ppl think are important in life don't mean a thing . . yu dont need a lot of friends (most of them are fake anyway) nd a lot of things that happen can be avoided jus be happy for the ppl who yu know will always be in ya life nd never take them for granted . . jus takin time to clear my head todayy.

&& another thing

THANKS
to everyone who was there for me
physically nd thru phone calls && text messages (on a lighter note>lol)

. . I love you guys for caring

. . . Thank You

&& you sent the message through someone else
&& you told me that I need to be strong
. . I'm trying to stay the course like you said
but it's pretty hard right now
maybe the obstacles are just to make us stronger.
You helped me to see things in a way that i never have before . .
&& you kept them here for me
. . In the end I know that we'll be okay

I couldn't sleep all night because I couldn't get this out of my mind . . had to get it out to someone

So I woke up at like 5 in the morning because i couldn't sleep because of the pain . . i haven't slept much at all because of it.
I thought the pain was just the pain of my body aches but its so much more than that.
Why do I cause the people I care about the most so much pain?
I hurt just about anyone I care about . . no matter how long it takes it's inevitable if you come into contact with me then you are bound to get hurt in some way.
I cant sleep because of the tears which come from the knowing that i am to blame for your pain.
I blame myself for everything that happened . . to the people I love the most.
If only i weren't so hard headed and i would've listened to you guys then everything would be fine right now. But its not and its because i can't seem to listen . . being headstrong isn't a bad thing but when it gets other people hurts its the worst thing possible.
I know now that i need to just listen and think and stop acting on impulse because that's what gets people hurt. I could have just listened and did what you said and everything would be okay but i didn't and it's not.
I blame myself for the pain of you. I'm sorry and I love you. I will never again be the cause of your pain.
&& I feel so bad because I can't be with you . . you're so close but so far away.

Had to get these feelings off my chest
my heart is so heavy right now

... everything happens for a reason right??
Well I can't see the reasoning behind this . . .
(But I believe in God) && I know that he will protect you and that there has to
be a reason for this . . I 'll just have to wait && see what
he has in store

. . IDK I jus cant do it rite now

Sooo I've kinda been up for a minute now (its around 5 am I've been up since around 10 am) . . I realli should sleep but I CAN'T I got a lot of shxt on my mind . . gotta sort through this so I can finally get some sleep . . Blog about it around 12 but right now I'm goin a lil crazy nd I have no one to talk to cause everyone is asleep (THIS SUCKS) . .but aanyways be back wit my thoughts in a few hours . .

. . jus somethin I read

sooo I read this on a friends page && I liked it . . && I believe its soo true
(Kinda goes along wit one of my previous posts too)

. . everyone says that love hurts, but that's not tru. lonliness hurts. rejection hurts. losing someone hurts. but in reality LOVE is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. ♥

. . one of them phases

&& I'm sorta goin thru one of my DRAKE phases again
def. blastin all his shxt rite noww


. . "When our lights don't glow the same way that they used to and I finally get a moment to myself I will realize you were everything I’m missin. And you’ll tell me you’re in love with someone else"
- lol i love this verse (explains wat always happens to me . . even tho i'm amazing)
plz stop treatin me like this guys . . it suxx

soo . . i guess yu could kinda call this my fav. song rite now

Drake - Lust for life

Im tryin do it all tonight,
I got plans,
I got a certain lust for life,
And as it stands,
Everything is going as right,
As it can,
They tryin to shoot down my flight,
Before it lands,
Before it lands,

But you could miss me with all that,
Diss me then crawl back,
I really wish ya will fall back,
But gettin rich suppose to slove that,
And these days women make offers and who the hell am I to say,
No no no,

My ex sendin late night text cause she dont know how to let,
Go go go
She in love,
And as for the pretty light skinned models standin in the cold oh yea they with us,
Let them girls in for a drink,
And im all in they ear,
Saying she should be the one i see,
Everytime that im here but when am i really even here ?

Black surburban wit the tint on it,
Fresher than a pillow with a mint on it,
The game got these old hand prints on it,
But ima be the one to pour cement on it,
And start over,
And show up in an _____ yellow tux,
I dont really give a fuck,
And we only getting older,
So what i tend to do is to think of today as the past,
Its funny when u coming in first but you hope that you last,
You just hope that it last,
that it last,
that it last,
that it last,
that it last
......
......
......
......
Throw your ones up in the air,
Throw your ones up in the air for her,
Throw your ones up in the air
Throw your ones up

. . . Responses plz . . THnKs

if yu got a response to anything on this jawn
jus hit me up nd let me kno wat yu thinkin

. . yu can always just post a comment rite on here too

response to "love hurts"

SoOoOo . . My nigga Brandon kinda came at me on some shxt like "when u love somebody u have to make sacrifices (whatever they are) and sometimes those sacrifices can be painful to make and the only reason u made them is cuz u love someone. the pain doesn't necessarily have to come from the person u love it could come from u makin changes for them"

nd yeaaa that shxy def. is true tho

BFF . .

&& before I hit the sheets
. . jus talked to my best friend
LOVE him to death
. . he knows almost everything about me
nd I don't kno wat I'd do without him
Love you B

Lmao

LMAO
Hank says i'm gay for writin "you" on one of my previous posts
sooo ima clear this shxt up jus for you HANK . .
"You" = Chill
. . Better now ???
. . lol

ooo yea nd i guess i'll call this . . . Cant be love ??

Sooo wat if someone told yu they loved you then went and caused most of the pain in ya life how would you feel ??
What if you couldn't jus leave that person where they stood ??
What if it jus wasn't that simple??
What if that person was always going to be there and there and there was nothing you could do about it??

Then you'd feel like I do and how I've felt for a while . . .
its kinda a horrible feeling I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy . . I'd never wish that type of pain on anyone . .



... done wit the topic of love for now
jus had to post this last little thought
. . almost forgot about it

The why ??

I made this blog cause i got a lil bored one day
nd needed a place to say wat i need to say however i want to say it
(lol i do that anyway)
but uhh if yu don't like it f**k ya
get off my blog
but if you do THNKS
(but on the low "you" kinda inspired me to do this shxt) . .

"not on no conceited type shxt or anything
but scroll down a bit
nd check out the shape of my eyes
I LOVE EM
LOL . . "

"that was a lil random i kno lol but watev . . "

new topic ??

"so uh
I'm gettin bored with this topic
. . be back with somethin new shortly
gotta think of something I wanna
uhhhh . . discuss I guess"

love HURTS ??

Sooo uhhhh . . . they say "love hurts" well whoever they is i would love to have a conversation with them . . because i disagree i don't believe that love does or should hurt.
I believe that "they" are wrong but heyy maybe I'm wrong or jus not being realistic. But i wouldn't know whether or not it truly hurt b/c i have absolutely no experience in the matter . . but i don't believe that "they" are right . . so anyway

I believe that love is and should be so fulfilling that there is no room left for for pain. You should be so busy loving that you have no time to be hurt. Love should not hurt because when you love someone you shouldn't want to hurt them . . If you truly love them then you would try to keep them from being hurt. You are supposed to protect the ones you love right ?? Pain may come from outside sources and you cannot control that. But pain should never be caused by the one you love, and you should never inflict pain on the one you love.

But maybe I'm wrong or thinking irrationally . . . ???

hmmm . . jus a random thought

sooo. . I was thinkin about postin
my life story nd shxt
but then I gave it a few more minutes of thought
&& nah that shxt kinda too personal nd shxt
. . . maybe at a diff. point in my life I'll post it on this blog shxt . .
But anywayz
I'm off topic back to love nd shxt

random thoughts on the topic nd wat i want . . or maybe its jus wat i think i want idk

Soo ... I'm still waiting to feel that rush of emotions you supposedly get when you're in love or when you are truly loved . . I want unconditional love I want someone to love and accept me flaws and all. But will they be able to tolerate me and my constant need for change and excitement. Will they be able to handle my passion . . If I love I want to love deeply and be loved just as much in return. I have too much love and passion to give for it to go to waste . . I want someone to share myself with.


&& I hate when ppl say that they love you when they don't really mean it. If they really meant it then it would be obvious. Actions speak louder than words. So when you say one thing and act another way you are basically showing me how you truly feel.


I've been told that I was loved but i have never been shown .. and that makes a big difference.

Don't say you love someone when you really don't . . don't ever say it unless you feel it. When we find out that someones "love" for us was a lie that really hurts.

So I've been told that I'm loved by many but I have never experienced the feeling of being truly loved . . Well I don't think I have .. If i did i definitely would've known rite ?? Watever anyway . .

. . . Love is important to me and I'm looking forward to the experience

topic . . i guess

"So I'm sort of thinkin about the topic of love ... have been since this mornin for some reason ... But since its on my mind I'll jus focus on that topic for a lil minute"

3-15

"So I haven't posted
anything in a while ... I know.

I'm kinda new to this && I've been a lil busy.

But somethin will def. be up
soon"

You ... (old jawn)

I didn't write this a friend wrote it ... I jus kinda liked it i guess:

Cant tell if I'm coming or going

Even if i did it wouldn't matter

My days feel pointless if they don't include you

Can't stand to be away from you

Can't stand you sometimes when i'm with you

You claim you care but i'll never really be sure

I only know what you tell me

&& This is a problem because i am not one to willingly trust

You've changed the way i act, feel, and think

I feel so much better because of you

You make me want to be better for myself

I LOVE YOU.